IMF Urges Countries to Treat Bitcoin Like Toenail Fungus

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The International Monetary Fund (IMF) has found a new reason to hate Bitcoin and is advising countries to treat Bitcoin like a toenail fungus attaching to their currencies.

The problem centers around existing currencies in emerging markets being replaced by “crypto assets.” The IMF has named this new threat “cryptoisation,” a sort of monetary toenail fungus caused by Bitcoin that threatens approved currencies.

We’ve been down this trail before, where the IMF drags Bitcoin out of the crib and beats it like a redhead stepchild. This latest attack is brought to us by part of the IMF’s braintrust, Tobias Adrian, IMF’s head of monetary and capital markets.


Bitcoin is Sneaky


Mr. Adrian warned that crypto is sneaking into developing countries and disrupting traditional currencies. This comes about when traditional currencies are used to buy Bitcoin. This, of course, leaves less in-country dollars to pay off IMF loans owed by these countries.

Adrian explained that Bitcoin volatility “destabilized” capital flows into emerging markets. Could Adrian be talking about retail traders cashing out local currencies for Bitcoins? Yes, we think so, because Adrian said this: “Crypto is being used to take money out of countries that are regarded as unstable.” So, traders are taking money out of unstable countries and exchanging that unstable country’s money for unstable Bitcoin. What’s the problem?


Turning on Our Bitcoin Thought Machine


Let’s run this through our patented Bitcoin Thought Machine to see if we have this right. Here we go…

Step No. 1: Individuals are using a developing country’s money to buy Bitcoin. Cool.

Step No. 2: That means that the emerging country has less local currency to pay off IMF loans. So?

Step No. 3: Thus, the loans owed the IMF could default.

Conclusion: Steps one through three seem to be the source of angst for our IMF friends.

Solution: The IMF should accept Bitcoins to pay off the IMF loans. Problem solved.

So, once again Bitcoin offers a solution to our buddies at the IMF.


Bitcoin Fixes Everything


Just because inflated currencies are undergoing replacement by cryptocurrencies is a matter that shouldn’t concern the IMF. Embrace the future, IMF.

Alas, that’s not what’s happening. Adrian called for
fine-tuning capital flow management. In IMF speak, that means let’s attack bitcoins.

Thus, Adrian called for more regulations to relieve the Bitcoin toenail fungus – cleverly named “cryptoisation” – infecting emerging country currencies. Adrian suggested that the IMF beatings be directed toward Bitcoin providers, exchanges and conduits.


Bad Bitcoin Attacks Equities

Adrian also scolded Bitcoin for falling equity markets. “Crypto is now very closely tied to what is happening in equities. We can’t just dismiss it,” Adrian said.

Adrian called for global and national regulators to beat Bitcoin over the head with regulation hammers until Bitcoin was properly bloodied.

For more, we turn to the IMF blog, which asserts that “Cryptoassets are unlikely to catch on in countries with stable inflation and exchange rates, and credible institutions.” While this may have some element of truth, the real world of banking and currency barely meets those modest requirements.

It should also be noted that crypto assets are unlikely to catch on in countries that fine and imprison people who use Bitcoin.


The Pricing Chickens Problem

The IMF implores us to ignore the raging inflation, have faith and let them have the the helm’s wheel as we navigate over the edge of the world. Ignore those horrific creatures down below the Earth’s edge that look hungry; we just fed them. Honest.

The IMF said we must be more concerned by people trying to price goods in crypto. We suppose people in ancient times also had trouble pricing a chicken against a bushel of wheat, but they somehow figured it out. And both the owner of the chicken and owner of the wheat went home happy and ate a tasty dinner.

Even though Bitcoin solves all the IMF problems, the organization still has a spooky boogeyman in the closet: Bitcoin is used for illegal stuff.

Right. As if dollars are never used for poker games, money laundering and trading drugs…

The creepy plan is to tie down the average Bitcoin users in punishing rules and regulations that will benefit banking and government interests, led by the IMF.


We Will Protect You From the Boogeyman


The IMF is building a new line of attack against Bitcoin – We will protect you!

Its final effort to justify the bureaucratic crushing of Bitcoin revolves around risky business. Investing in Bitcoin is risky, according to Britain’s Financial Conduct Authority (FCA), which regulates the country’s financial services sector.

In an article at CNBC, the FCA said Bitcoin is especially risky on social media because influencers are paid by scammers to pump and dump crypto- tokens. That, of course, is unheard of in stocks, right? The IMF also asserts that rug pulls are enhanced by showing bikini models lounging over Lambos in front of mansions, while hundred dollar bills are raining from helicopters. We get that.


Teenagers With Goo for Brains Need Protection

The universal Bitcoin Risk Machine acknowledges that risk. We know that teenage boys with goo-for-brains are hypnotized by this stuff and will charge daddy’s credit card to buy one million Elon-to-moon tokens.

The IMF wants to see warnings in ads that inform teenage boys that you might not be rewarded with a mansion and a lambo if you buy Elon-to-Moon tokens.

A British survey showed that 27% of people between the ages of 18 and 29 used a credit card to buy dogecoin. Another 17% dumped their student loan cash into dogecoin, while 12% took out loans for the meme coin.

Bitcoin is mature enough to concede this point and agrees that warning 14-year-old boys about buying this stuff is a good thing.

So, all IMF fears concerning Bitcoin have been answered. The IMF should settle in, relax and let Bitcoin do what Bitcoin does.

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